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Interesting that a hospital was all steam ahead but a grocery store is where you draw the line. I mean I support it, don't get me wrong, but I think A&E would bemy hard pass.

Attractiveness has got to be some kind of unfair evolutionary advantage. The shit I've put up with/considered putting up with in the name of hotness is shameful.

Tragically my stories are tame as they get. 'Met my last boyfriend at a charity run' tame. Not a dildo in sight, revenge or otherwise.

she hauled me there in a very nice car
like a really nice car
I saw $$$

( she is full of shit. )

MATE okay shit we gotta fix that
"charity run" please that's some boring white bread shit
did they also organise their socks by brand alphabet and only read books in the NYT bestsellers
were you dating a mop

anyway I actually love charity runs but what's life without random dildos

Well damn who can blame you then.
I'm still questioning her life choices but you can't get hot rich and sane i guess?

( obviously she was aware when she sent the message that it could result in a conversation about paul, but the idea of actually talking about paul still strikes her as incredibly unpleasant all the same.

but it would be weirder to just abruptly change the topic, right? and it's all light hearted fun, no need to get 'serious' or anything.

...swig swig swig. )

Mop actually might be a kinder adjective than he deserves,
And there wasn't sock organising but he DID only buy specific branded socks, so you're not far off.

Charity runs could be greatly improved if random dildos were introduced. Would you just throw them at the people running? Hand them out as prizes maybe?

Edited 2017-09-10 10:25 (UTC)

hey, that's my fiancée you're talking about

( fml fml fml )

ex-fiancée, christing christicles on a christ cracker

ANYWAY wait this mop with his brand socks
what was his name, do you want to have a drink and some sweet chats

I could bring you an actual mop and a dildo just so you feel included

oh god just don't think about how fucking weird that last part could sound

Edited 2017-09-10 10:40 (UTC)

( sarissa why are you like this )

I don't even know where to start with all of this.
But yeah, I mean I'm not doing anything else? Nothing can fix a quiet evening like some drinks, a mop and a dildo.

listen

I'm poorly socialised

Can't hold that against you now,
can I? We've all got our oddities.
Most of them don't involve dildos, but that's okay, I can adjust.

I prefer to be judged by people that aren't my sisters for my hot boddity
but I guess I'll accept being judged for dildos and poor phrasing, this time, because somehow that's the less disturbing option

but hey, does Cosima always remind you how she's the hot one, because talk about brutal for the self esteem

Edited 2017-09-10 11:08 (UTC)

I mean can we even argue that one though? I thought I was doing this face a decent amount of justice, but Cos found a look that works and ran with it. We're all dust in her path.

If it's any consolation I'm only mildly judging. Mostly I'm just disappointed that more people don't offer to bring dildos around. Honestly, what a gift.

I have a very fragile self esteem, okay, just let me pretend she's being a tiny bit of a jerk on this one thing

like I love Tiger more than life itself

but bloody hell

I mean most people don't think about how practical their gifts should be
it needs to be more than a dust collector

She managed to lock down a wife, I think the evidence objectively speaks for itself. When we're all married we can reassess.

It's true, the inventive/practical balance is a hard one to strike but I think the dildo really manages to walk that line.
But I mean the last gift I gave out was a toaster so I'm definitely part of the tragically boring problem.

you make marriage sound like a prison sentence
like she lured Paddington into a bear trap or something

and Georgia would have married me if shit hadn't gotten blown sideways for reasons that have nothing to do with me, so like
I'm gonna say that I could also be married, without making it sound like punishment, thanks for that ya fruit loop

in fairness with the toaster: was it the kind that could do those frozen waffles?

Edited 2017-09-10 11:43 (UTC)

Old habits. Marriage is a beautiful sacrament etc etc.
But I suppose that counts. Still got to wait for me and Sarah to get on the board before we can do a new ranking, right? Could be waiting a while.

( does sarissa know about MK? sarah could have told her, of course, it'd hardly be wrong to, but beth won't be the one to bring her up if she can help it. god knows she can't imagine the girl would like that all that much, and she doesn't need any more reasons for MK to lash out at her.

she still remembers that trash can lid, damnit. )

Of course it did, I'm not an animal.

Edited 2017-09-10 11:57 (UTC)

yeah
still not sure how we would have reconciled the issues with Greek Orthodox and Catholic services and neither being crash hot on gay marriage
anyway whatever its not like I care anymore

( whats an mk
is it a type of cookie. )

there see that's like waffles and orgasms are both important

Look I can't tackle the problems of thousands of years of deep rooted problems in religious organisations, I'll need a couple weeks at least you know?

( definitely sounds like you don't care at all sarissa, beth totally believes u ........ )

If you've got those two things squared away you're basically set in life, right? Hopefully anyway, a two item to-do list is easy to tackle, anything longer is just hassle.

🙏 🙏 🙏 thanks mate detect the shit outta the solution

what if I made my list

1. inner peace
2. a meaningful existence

...Things went from 0 to heavy real fast there. If you figure out how to get either of those things, you've got to share the secrets. Pretty sure the other list is a lot less work.

( y u do this to her girl )

welcome 2 life with sarissa

☀️ sun
🌊 surf
🧀 fine cheese
💡🌩️ existential crisis

A winner of a dating profile blurb if I ever saw one.

Did you grow up surfing, or is that one of those australia stereotypes as credible as the riding a kangaroo to school business?

( gently...veers.....away....from....feelings.... )

( but FEELINGS, Beth )

mate I'm rural, proper big cities and beaches were both hours away
we had a river with a fuck off big jump into it, though

did you grow up riding moose and only communicating in variations of "eh" and "sorry"?

( no feelings!!!! )

Did you grow up on a farm? Was there animals?

Both.

Nah, no mooses, but there is a lot of eh's and sorry's. Can't say I drop them too much but that stereotype is at least somewhat accurate.

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